Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
