his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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