Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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