well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
