My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
