Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
