i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize