I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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