I think my fart just growled at me.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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