dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
