you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
