I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
