shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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