If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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