That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
