That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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