My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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