If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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