May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
