His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
