i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize