Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
