Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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