the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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