I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
