You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
