So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
