I wanna passion pit in your ass
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
