i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
