one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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