Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
