Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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