Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
