RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
