we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
