She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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