I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
