thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
