i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
