dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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