i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
