you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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