yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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