You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
