that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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