Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Two words: blizzard sex
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
