Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
