I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
