i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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