Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
There's a naked man in my car right now.
whose parrot is this?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
