the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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