dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
