I just saw a hot homeless man
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
