so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize