You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
