puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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