I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize