there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
