Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
