I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Your tits are I can't wait for
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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