So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
