Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
