the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
