Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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