Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
