I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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