I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My bed smells like the plague
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
