why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
