nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
