Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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