It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
