when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
