My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
