remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
