Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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