I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
