Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
