My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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